It has been almost two years since the darkest of my days begun. I am not going to sit here and tell you that I was innocent throughout the entire ordeal. Some may even say that all the pain and tears, I had brought upon myself for I have succumbed to my own weakness and fears. But again, I am not afraid to admit and accept my mistakes and all my wrong decisions. Not anymore. I learned that in order to fully heal, I needed to first accept where I was.

Here I am at my lowest point ever in my entire lifetime. I felt my world as it came crashing down, strike me in the face and flooded my days with continual bad news after another. I saw things that shattered my pride and heard words that broke my heart in to pieces. I did not blink, not once. I did not look away. Everything that was thrown at me, I took it with every little bit of strength I had. I said nothing. I knew my actions were wrong and now I am being haunted by its consequences.

Minutes turned into days and days turned into weeks. I have experienced friends turn their backs on me and my own family close their doors in disapproval. I think that that was the point where I felt like I died. Gessica, along with her bright smile and adventurous soul slowly drifted into a deep sleep never wanting to wake up to face another day of pain. All the people I have hurt and disappointed, I remember seeing their faces and all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around them and beg. Approval was not what I wanted. What I wanted was their mere understanding.

In life, we will make decisions that will hurt others and we will fail to see the outcome of a choice we are about to make. But, that is what makes us human. Forgiveness - the next step to my recovery. For turning their backs on me, I felt like I was not capable of forgiving them or to even look them in the eye again. It took a whole lot of me, but I did it. I did it because the love I have for my family will aways remain stronger than anything thrown at me.

From then on, I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. It was as if I opened an entry way to a world where I can start over and become a better me. After accepting my shortcomings, as well as completely letting go of any anger I had for everyone, I felt... better. But (because there is always a but) not completely. All these times of trying so hard not only to survive but to be strong, I have forgotten to do one thing: I needed to mourn. So, in realization that not just a chapter, but a whole book written about my life is about to close, I cried. I cried from the moment I woke up in the morning until the second I fell asleep at night. I cried in my dreams. I cried until no more tears fell. And, even then.

A perfect closing statement - that is what you are not getting from me. I am completely happy with where I am in life now. How I recovered and progressed from that year is a story that will remain as my motivation to strive in becoming a better person. However, some nights are still harder than others. The nightmares still come and go. The cold autumn breeze still brings flashbacks of things I wish could unsee. My heart, although the pieces are put back together, will not beat in perfect harmony as it did before. So, you see I still have darker days. The difference is that, now... I am Wonder woman; I can hold my own.